Using emotional touch points to describe your food is a sure-fire way of engaging your customers. They know chefs are passionate. They know it’s hot in the kitchen and tempers flare. They know chefs are great in bed. (I made that up. Patissier's are.) So why can’t we display some of that raw emotion on our Menu. After all, it’s a key ingredient in what inspired any dish in the first place; a memory, a concept, an occasion, or as a tribute or even to emulate perhaps.
If you ask any Chef what his all-time favourite dish is, invariably it’ll be something cooked by his Mother or Grandmother. Or where does he like to eat out on his night off? Again, I would lay good money on the choice being Indian or Chinese. So why on earth does that same Chef insist on handing us a shopping list of ingredients in any restaurant worth wearing a tie to. 
You know the Carte I’m talking about; weighted  sheet,  off-white, textured, say 200gsm and sparingly held together in some kind of bamboo or leather contraption. 5 Starters, 5 Mains, 4 puds and trolley of cheeses, at a supplement. Naturellement . And don’t be surprised if you find the price spelled out in longhand at the bottom. There is after all empirical evidence this will increase sales. Your eyes wander down the page and we’re back to that seemingly random list of things:  

Scottish halibut, fregola, blood orange, sea kale

Marcus Wareing

“What the hell is fregola?” “Sshh, the waiter’s coming?” That particular dish is taken from one of Marcus Wareing’s menus at The Berkeley. You can see the rest of it here. (And for the pedants: Times regular, 17 point and very sparing on the capitalization.)
Now, what’s worth mentioning at this point is - and I want to make this very clear - there is NOTHING WRONG with that style of menu. OK? I am not saying it is wrong. For Marcus Wareing, it is the culmination of many, many well thought out decisions and it works for his business. What I am saying is that we can’t ALL be Marcus Wareing and we don’t ALL have two Michelin stars to back up those little words he sprinkles sparingly around the page. 
So how should ‘the rest of us’ describe our menu choices? Let’s go back to that chair you are sitting in where your customer normally is. Now, imagine a very suave Italian (or French) Maitre d’Hotel describing the dish above to the lady next to you. Actually, if you’ve seen this in real life, it’s a thing of beauty - these guys really know how to turn on the charm. The Halibut could be described as ‘very light’ or ‘beautifully fresh’ (say it with the accent) or even ‘incredibly delicate’. The Fregola is from Sardinia, so again our Italian friend would invoke the beautiful sea breeze where his Mother used to make such a delicate pasta. The blood orange adds ‘zing’ and the sea kale gives it a beautiful ‘finishing touch’. Now you tell me... what have we learned about this dish? Nothing. Except my dining partner now wants to go to Sardinia with Señor Sassi and orders the fish just to make him happy. Sold! And the side to go with it.
If only we could take all that flirtatious charm and sprinkle it on every guest. Oh wait... by invoking the emotive power of language on our menu, WE CAN. 

So the next time you are writing your menu Chef, try to imagine standing AT THE TABLE and explaining the dish IN PERSON. Yeah. Use those words.
In my next post, I will share some of the winning words and phrases that have proven to drive sales in my business.