I'm about the head out into the rain and drive across from Oxford to Potton on the Bedford/Cambridgeshire border to my Dad's pub The Red Lion in Potton to help out on this St. Patrick's eve. (Hey, could that be a new Clinton Card idea?) He's got a bit of music on and he might dish up a few sausage and chips later if a few quid is spent at the bar. 

Anyone who has met my Dad, tells me he is one of the funniest pub landlords they have met. Personally, I'm kind of immune to a lot of his musings since I've grown up with the stress, hangovers, late nights, early starts, social sacrifices, rows, financial woes and general pointlessness of chatting to that lone regular in an otherwise empty pub as he sups pints all afternoon while talking sh!te until finally his hunger, his wife or his wallet interjects and gives him reason to go home. My Dad's favourite kind of customer as it happens.

Still, in the spirit of our Irish weekend, here are three classics from Tom Kilroy's 'funny moment' repertoire:

"A roll of money wrapped in an elastic band has been handed in at the bar." 

*Pub goes quiet*

"I repeat, a roll of money wrapped in an elastic band has been handed in at the bar."

 *People looking at each other wondering who lost a roll of money*

"Anyone who has lost a roll of money wrapped in an elastic band, please make your way to the bar where you can collect your elastic band."

When a fight broke out in the Gloucester Irish Club where Dad was the Steward back in the 80's, one of the committee members ran up the stairs and asked him to sort it out. The story goes that he jumped behind the curtain to hide, only to peak out with the immortal words

"Sort it? Jaysus, I come from a long line of cowards you know!"

When I was about 8 years old and standing behind the bar one afternoon while Dad had his dinner (we call it lunch in today's parlance) during the annual budget announcement on TV at the time. As soon as a customer came in (that same bloody regular!), I called up the stairs and Dad came down to serve him. Pouring the pint of Guinness,  Dad broke  the silence with the opening gambit of:

"Were you watching the budget? Ah now, it's gettin' outta hand. I see they're putting the price of food up by 10p a pint..."

Let me leave you with this very funny video made by Neil and the lads at the Hop Inn Pub in  Athenry . It coincided with the visit by President Obama to Ireland to celebrate his Irish roots... I love the queue of cars down the street patiently waiting for the filming to finish. How they think of them..