Tomato Ketchup

Pseudo-Chef: Comedy of Errors

This is one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time. Watch it a couple of times and enjoy it.


After reflecting on it for a while, I think there is a large pinch of truth to be found in there somewhere. Over the years I have met, worked with and sadly, employed a number of chefs who really believe the dishes they cook are worthy of a Masterchef finale, when in truth they would be laughed out of a transport caff.

I am talking about chefs that produce the most bland or insipid sauces and purees safe in the knowledge that a trendy 'swipe' or 'smear' presentation will lift it to greatness. Or calling a dish locally-sourced because "the label on the box in the freezer said 'Made In England'" (the actual words of a waitress describing a burger's provenance to a friend of mine in a pub recently).

Or the kind of chefs who consider ketchup to be a great substitute for tomato puree and a tin-opener essential to their knife kit. Or who perhaps look at you blankly when you ask "Is this dish actually finished?' or "Have you added any seasoning?" where the final stage of 'pass and correct' - meaning to sieve the sauce or soup and adjust the seasoning - is all too often omitted out of laziness. 

Or who get defensive when you ask if we can do something other than spaghetti bolognese for the special. (And by the way, serving the ragu on the side does not render it 'de-constructed'.)

And why has this culture been allowed to develop? Because it is now the norm for this bland mix-and-match pseudo-cooking to be praised at every turn for it's so-called uniqueness and creativity. Eric Morecambe's piano tinkling with Andre Previn wasn't a masterclass in music, it was a masterclass in comedy. In the same vain there are thousands of so-called chefs - in small local pubs, big chain mega-brands, neighbourhood eateries and tired institutions - earning a decent salary, not for the Masterclass in cookery they think they are delivering but for the comedy of errors their customers have to put up with.